Who I Want
by Traci
Summary: Catherine and Grissom get through the ‘bumps in the road’ of their friendship and deal with some other questions after the episode “Early Rollout” (aired 219 in the US).


Disclaimer:  Not mine.

Rating: PG

Category: Cath/Gil 

Spoilers:  Early Rollout (aired 2/19 in US).

Author:  Traci  traci_ann@yahoo.com

Summary:  Catherine and Grissom get through the 'bumps in the road' of their friendship and deal with some other questions after the episode "Early Rollout" (aired 2/19 in the US).

Notes:  After panicking over apparently nothing I managed to turn to just drooling whenever Nick Lea showed up on screen (and heaven help me if he ever reads this cause I'll be receiving a restraining order I'm sure) – so I suppose I'm merely projecting my own thoughts/desires through Catherine.  Oh, and wrote this in all of 15 minutes so uh, any mistakes are totally mine.

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Who I Want

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"I want Nick Lea," Catherine Willows sighed, watching the small television screen.

"What?"

Sighing, she turned her head to look at her friend, a friend she nearly lost due to some recent bumps in their friendship.  "I suppose it's a good thing you don't know what I mean."

Gil Grissom's eyes studied hers with amusement.  "He's only an actor you realize."  He reached a hand into the bowl of popcorn sitting on the couch between them.

"Even actors are real people you know," she teased, settling back against his leather couch.  "I just really want him."

They sat in silence, watching 'Vertical Limit'.  It was the first time in months – actually almost a year – that they had gotten together after work to just relax.

"How was your date?" Grissom barely whispered.

"My date."

He nodded, his eyes searching everywhere but her.

"It was… nice."

Grissom did not respond.  He merely shoved another handful of popcorn in his mouth and feigned interest in the movie.

"It was… with Lindsey."

His head turned quickly towards her.

She laughed – a real genuine laugh.  "There was this guy at the club when I was investigating who, I admit, got my attention but…"  She shook her head, reaching her hand into the bowl.  "I knew… I knew if I went out with him that it would have been for the wrong reasons."

"How so?" he asked, praying that his joy was not sounding through his voice.

"We had… just had that fight and I was so angry with you – with myself even.  And I knew that…"  She bit her lower lip.  "It would only be done to make you mad."

"Catherine, I have no say in your social life.  If you wanted to…"

Her blue eyes found his as her hand lifted out of the bowl and covered his.  "I didn't want to.  That's just it, Gil.  I didn't want to.  He tried to… we almost kissed but I stopped it.  I used the excuse that I was still on the clock but the truth… the truth was I felt guilty."

"Guilty?"

"Come on, Gil.  We're not high school kids anymore.  We've known each other longer than kids are in school!  You know exactly what I'm talking about."

His mouth opened but closed before a sound was heard.  After a moment of thought, he began, "I was jealous if that helps."

"It does," she chuckled.

"When you asked if we were okay… I don't know why I said 'We'll be fine'.  Yes, we will be, but it sounded so… negative.  But when you walked away… When I thought I had lost you to someone else… Catherine, I want us to be more than fine.  I want us to be how we used to be around each other.  To joke, to flirt, to tease, to talk, to… to so many things."

"Have you been drinking?"

"Why would you ask that?" he snapped.

"Because the Gil Grissom I knew would not suddenly wear his heart on his sleeve like you are doing right now."

"Catherine…"

She pulled her hand away and stood up.  "No, Gil, you listen.  I can't keep doing this forever.  I can't keep holding onto the hope that maybe, just maybe you feel anything more for me than friendship.  I can't go on turning down dates all for fear that maybe that would be the one day *you* would actually get up the nerve to ask me out.  I just can't do this anymore."

Stunned, he swallowed hard then got up and walked over to her, turning her to face him.  "I was, apparently badly so, trying to tell you that I do want more than that.  I want more than to be just your friend.  I've been trying to ignore it for… well, for too long."

She stared at him, sniffing back tears.  "You mean it?"

With a growing smile, he nodded.  "I guess I said it badly."

"Maybe," she agreed, grinning.  "But that's one of the things that's always attracted me to you."

"My ability to say things badly?"

"No," she laughed.  "Your ability to say nice things, albeit badly.  So…"

"So."

Catherine moved a little closer to him.  "So.  Gil, I think this is the part where we are supposed to um…"

He blushed.  "Oh."

Sensing his fear, she took a tiny step back, taking his hands in her own.  "Why don't we take things slow?  Now that we know where we both stand on this… on us… let's not ruin anything by rushing it."  With that, she led him back to the couch where she proceeded to place the popcorn bowl on the floor and snuggle up against him.

"Catherine?"

Her eyes focused on the movie once again, she responded, "Yeah?"

"Do you still want Nick Lea?"

She laughed and looked up at him.  "Oh big time!"

The End


End file.
